As little as 2-3 years ago, there were very few resources online to help families faced with the diagnosis of trisomy 18/13. There were even fewer active resources that helped CONNECT families of LIVING children. While I was pregnant with a prenatal diagnosis of trisomy 18, I needed that hope and I needed to talk to 'experienced' trisomy families so I could educate and prepare myself. It was so hard to find living kids. So I started a group called
Trisomy 18 Mommies* on facebook to connect all of us, no matter where we were in the trisomy journey, and suddenly I started finding trisomy families, many with living kids that provided me with so much hope! Online, the trisomy families share fears, milestones, illnesses, frustrations, tears, joys, friendship, knowledge, and grief. We share things our friends and families just don't understand, because they are not on the same Journey.
I have a very special bond with one family in particular - the Adamyks. Jeannette and I found each other on facebook as we were both beginning this trisomy journey. Jeannette and I quickly started sharing more than just the trisomy journey, we started sharing life together. The Adamyk's son, Caleb, was born a month before Rebekah and also with full trisomy 18. Jeannette and I may have developed a strong bond, but I always felt like Rebekah and Caleb were kindred spirits too. Caleb is the 'groom' in Rebekah's 'wedding' pictures, and they look a lot alike and share many mannerisms.
Caleb went to be with Jesus on 8/29/11. I have to be honest, I have had a very rough time this past month. I haven't been interested in my normal activities, it is a struggle to get through the days, and I have been having bad dreams and anxiety. I have wanted so much to blog about Caleb's funeral and my feelings through this grieving process, yet I still cannot put it into comprensible words. I know my pain isn't anywhere near that of Jeannette and her family. Yet my pain is enough that it has been debilitating. Oh how I hate that one of my best friends has to go through this part of the 'journey'... and I hate that any of us have to even think about facing it one day. But through our friendship, and by sharing this journey with Jeannette, I have seen the depth of her love, the depth of her commitment, the extent to which she would go to help her son, and how to gracefully and lovingly one can face the worse nightmare of any mother - the death of your child. The pain and suffering doesn't negate the joy and blessing of having a miracle child that defies the odds. It doesn't make us regret choosing life.
Caleb's legacy and what he means to the trisomy community:
- Caleb had the most beautiful smile that melts everyone's heart. He showed that having a special child could be full of happy moments.
- He gave us hope to not give up on our children, but to fight for them.
- Caleb became an encouragement to other families faced with the same diagnosis, and the Adamyks showed us how to be advocates for our children.
- Caleb proved that life is more than what you accomplish by worldly standards. Trisomy 18 children are worth fighting for. Life isn't about striving for perfection or success, but about loving and living, and enjoying each day.
- Caleb helped bring people closer to God and gave us a glimpse of what unconditional love means - suffering without complaint while loving those around us, just as Jesus did.
Before Caleb went to the hospital in what would be his last days, Steven Adamyk twirled him around outside in the rain, just enjoying a special moment with his special son. This beautiful moment reminds us that "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about dancing in the rain."
Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Although it is hard for me to see and accept this now, I know in my heart its true and I am praying daily for the Adamyks and for all my trisomy friends that have lost their child.
Caleb lived in Ocala, FL. Ocala Star Banner has been following Caleb's story since birth. Here are the links to some of the beautiful pieces done on him:
Caleb's Celebration of Life Service:
Caleb Adamyk's Story:
