Tribute to Caleb (3/20/09 - 8/29/11)

As little as 2-3 years ago, there were very few resources online to help families faced with the diagnosis of trisomy 18/13. There were even fewer active resources that helped CONNECT families of  LIVING children. While I was pregnant with a prenatal diagnosis of trisomy 18, I needed that hope and I needed to talk to 'experienced' trisomy families so I could educate and prepare myself.  It was so hard to find living kids. So I started a group called Trisomy 18 Mommies* on facebook to connect all of us, no matter where we were in the trisomy journey, and suddenly I started finding trisomy families, many with living kids that provided me with so much hope! Online, the trisomy families share fears, milestones, illnesses, frustrations, tears, joys, friendship, knowledge, and grief. We share things our friends and families just don't understand, because they are not on the same Journey.

I have a very special bond with one family in particular - the Adamyks. Jeannette and I found each other on facebook as we were both beginning this trisomy journey. Jeannette and I quickly started sharing more than just the trisomy journey, we started sharing life together.  The Adamyk's son, Caleb, was born a month before Rebekah and also with full trisomy 18. Jeannette and I may have developed a strong bond, but I always felt like Rebekah and Caleb were kindred spirits too. Caleb is the 'groom' in Rebekah's 'wedding' pictures, and they look a lot alike and share many mannerisms.  

Caleb went to be with Jesus on 8/29/11.  I have to be honest, I have had a very rough time this past month.  I haven't been interested in my normal activities, it is a struggle to get through the days, and I have been having bad dreams and anxiety.  I have wanted so much to blog about Caleb's funeral and my feelings through this grieving process, yet I still cannot put it into comprensible words.   I know my pain isn't anywhere near that of Jeannette and her family.  Yet my pain is enough that it has been debilitating.  Oh how I hate that one of my best friends has to go through this part of the 'journey'... and I hate that any of us have to even think about facing it one day.  But through our friendship, and by sharing this journey with Jeannette, I have seen the depth of her love, the depth of her commitment, the extent to which she would go to help her son, and how to gracefully and lovingly one can face the worse nightmare of any mother - the death of your child.  The pain and suffering doesn't negate the joy and blessing of having a miracle child that defies the odds.  It doesn't make us regret choosing life.

Caleb's legacy and what he means to the trisomy community:

• Caleb had the most beautiful smile that melts everyone's heart. He showed that having a special child could be full of happy moments.
• He gave us hope to not give up on our children, but to fight for them.
• Caleb became an encouragement to other families faced with the same diagnosis, and the Adamyks showed us how to be advocates for our children.
• Caleb proved that life is more than what you accomplish by worldly standards. Trisomy 18 children are worth fighting for. Life isn't about striving for perfection or success, but about loving and living, and enjoying each day.
• Caleb helped bring people closer to God and gave us a glimpse of what unconditional love means - suffering without complaint while loving those around us, just as Jesus did.

Before Caleb went to the hospital in what would be his last days, Steven Adamyk twirled him around outside in the rain, just enjoying a special moment with his special son. This beautiful moment reminds us that "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about dancing in the rain."

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Although it is hard for me to see and accept this now, I know in my heart its true and I am praying daily for the Adamyks and for all my trisomy friends that have lost their child.

Caleb lived in Ocala, FL. Ocala Star Banner has been following Caleb's story since birth. Here are the links to some of the beautiful pieces done on him:

• 3/19/11: Caleb turning 2 amid support for Edwards syndrome kids
• 8/30/11: After celebrating his 29th month of life, Caleb dies at area hospital
• 9/7/11: Boy's spirit, love honored during celebration of life
• 10/3/11: Caleb Adamyk's Story
• Ocala.com photo gallery from all of Caleb's articles
• A complete list of his articles can be found here

Michael Robinson (a family friend of the Adamyk's) made this video: Celebrate Everything - A Tribute to Caleb.

Caleb's Celebration of Life Service:



Caleb Adamyk's Story:

Come To Jesus by Chris Rice

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

Rest in Peace, Sweet Caleb. We love and miss you so much!!

*Trisomy 18 Mommies is one of many online resources available to families wherever they are in the trisomy journey. We currently have about 540 members at all different points in 'the journey'. Contrary to the name, the group is also for dads, family members, etc and encompasses families facing trisomy 18, 13 or any similar genetic disorder considered 'incompatible with life'. However, Facebook will not let us change the group name to better reflect the composition of the group. :-)  If you are facing a diagnosis of trisomy, already have a trisomy child, or have lost a trisomy child, we offer a community of compassionate members that 'get it'. Feel free to join us.

Trisomy Awareness Month - Online Support

MARCH IS TRISOMY AWARENESS MONTH

Trisomy 21, Down's Syndrome, has had support of the medical community for some time now, but that is not the case with Trisomy 18 (Edward's Syndrome), Trisomy 13 (Patau's Syndrome), and any number of other chromosome trisomies and deletions.  I want to list resources that have been so important to me in this journey, sources that provide hope and help. 

BACKGROUND

When I was pregnant with Rebekah in 2008-09, we had perinatal hospice support (which was very helpful in emotionally preparing us) and had even planned her funeral before she was born.  Rebekah survived birth and we took her home on hospice care.  I searched the internet for stories of hope.  I found a few blogs of kids living with trisomy 18, but there really were not that many positive online sources to be found. 


I joined the facebook community at that time, not willing to give up hope for our child.  I began connecting with trisomy 18 families from around the world, and started a facebook group called 'Trisomy 18 Mommies' that helped us connect even faster.  Of course, there are dozens of trisomy-related groups now, but this was my window into a new world of possibilities for our daughter.

As I learned more about other miracle children and as Rebekah solidified what we already knew - she was not a 'vegetable' or an 'unfortunate mistake', it didn't take us long before we ditched 'palliative care' for our daughter, and started treating her medical needs as we would any of our other children.

Love it or hate it, FACEBOOK has provided us with an EXPLOSION of online connections and resources for the trisomy community. Once on, you can be quickly connected with hundreds of families sharing the same diagnosis and having the same medical conditions as your child. We have been able to utilize these connections to get medical support for several children that were refused medical care, and we have also been able to use these connections to hook families up with doctors that are willing to provide medical interventions. Most of all, the networking of parents has provided an INCREDIBLE wealth of information - trisomy families are being more aggressive and proactive as a result. And I have seen more HELP given to families of living trisomy kids through these connections than through any foundation or organization out there.

I have used this online community of friends along with my list of resources below to help me in this journey.  These resources will provide positive support throughout all stages of this journey. But daily contact with others who understand your pain and joys in this journey is critical!  I encourage anyone finding this blog to get on facebook and join the largest and most active group or trisomy families anywhere! 

RESOURCES

These are listed in alphabetical order. This is, by no means, a definitive list.  And while these are great resources, the BEST resource is the online facebook community because it is not subject to any one organization's limitations, red tape, or politics.  

• Be Not Afraid - This is an online outreach to parents who have received a poor or difficult prenatal diagnosis. Be Not Afraid Facebook Page
  
• Facebook Groups
• Trisomy 18 Mommies - Originally started for trisomy 18 moms, the list now has some dads and some other related disorders like trisomy 13.
• Trisomy 18/13 Journey - Created after trisomy 18 mommies to pull in other families and share 'journey' experiences.
• Faces of Trisomy - Created to raise awareness for all kinds of trisomy (except 21 - Down's Syndrome). Lots of encouraging pictures here!
• SOFT - Support Organization for Trisomy
• Trisomy Awareness 2011 Facebook Photo Album - Thanks to Alisha Hersman-Hauber for the amazing photos and blurbs about kids like Rebekah, redefining 'incompatible with life'! These will eventually become part of a living with trisomy 18 site!
  
• Hope for Trisomy 18 & 13 - Funding research, promoting education, raising awareness, and changing lives. Also links to Gemma's Bears (gifts for unborn/newborn trisomy 13/18 babies) and Payton's Bearts (Stuffed Bear gift for living trisomy 13/18 birthdays)
  
• Iron Man for Kids - This is an organization that seeks to bring awareness and support for trisomy 13 and 18 families through participation in, and hosting of, sporting events. This family doesn't even have a trisomy child, but they have done a lot for the trisomy community and awareness!
  
• Living with Trisomy 13 - Offering support and resources to trisomy 13 families and an online directory of Trisomy 13 children! Living With Trisomy 13 Facebook Page
  
• Molly Bear Foundation - Provides supplemental financial assistance to families of Trisomy 18 kids. Molly Bear Facebook Page
  
• Noah's Never Ending Rainbow - This is a national (USA) trisomy organization with a mission to educate, advocate, raise public awareness, promote strategic alliances, and assist families.  Noah's Never Ending Rainbow Facebook Page.
  
• Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep - Remembrance photography provided for free for families with adverse prenatal diagnosis or infant death. NILMDTS Facebook Page
  
• Prenatal Partners for Life - Support and encouragement for families carrying to term with an adverse prenatal diagnosis and support for raising special needs children. Prenatal Partners for Life Facebook Page
  
• Rowan Tree Foundation - Helping families heal after the loss of a precious child. Rowan Tree Foundation Facebook Page
  
• SOFT - Support Organization for Trisomy 18, 13, and Trisomy Related Disorders - This is a nonprofit volunteer organization offering support for parents who have had or are expecting a child with a chromosome trisomy disorder, and education to families and professionals interested in the care of these children. You can purchase books on care of trisomy kids (great resources for new parents!) and they have an annual conference where families get together and support each other. SOFT does have chapters in other countries so this is the one related nonprofit out there that is truly a global organization.  They are also tied into the hospital systems in the US, so information published here gets out to the hospitals. Please consider joining this organization!  S.O.F.T. Facebook Page
  
• TRIS and Living With Trisomy - Ongoing research project / database for Tracking Rare Incidence Syndromes that also maintains links to helpful groups for every chromosome.
  
• Trisomy 18 Foundation - Provides support and information to trisomy 18 families. Trisomy 18 Foundation
  
• Trisomy Online - Email lists that connect you internationally with other families. I am on the tri-med list and have learned a lot from the other families. I don't personally participate in a lot of the conversations, but it is a good resource to see how medical issues are handled internationally.
  
• Trisomy 18/13 Awareness T-shirts - Thanks to Katie Weaver for her awesome designs! You can buy lots of trisomy awareness items and proceeds go to Noah's Never Ending Rainbow. The designs on this blog entry are from her and you can find a lot more at:
• http://www.cafepress.com/TrisomyTsbyKT
• http://trisomy.spreadshirt.com/
• You Tube - there are MANY videos showing trisomy 18 and 13 kids hitting milestones and thriving! Just search for something like trisomy hope in the you tube search bar and you will get positive videos. Stay away from the school project videos filled with erroneous information.